This morning I got a text from J. ("...have you purchased your study guide yet?") Alas, my laziness is getting the better of this pipe dream to complete grad school some decade in the near future! The answer to that question was a "no, but..." my favorite of all replies!
Guess what came in the mail today? A lovely company sponsored GR* CD study guide! It apparently comes free with your astronomical registration fee. It's still in it's shrink wrap mocking me as I post this, but it's in my possession.
I'm thinking about all this prep work for something I don't really know how it will all come to be. I suppose this is where the concept of faith - in oneself and in others comes into play. How does anyone get an advanced degree with a child to raise. By anyone, I mean a Mom. Yes, I have a pretty nifty support system near and far, but in the end - it's my ass that's responsible for pick-ups and drop-offs. It's me that has to listen to endless questions about the latest in high tech alien cartoons. And it's me that feels eternally guilty I'm making all the wrong choices about every.single.decision in his life. He does have a dad, right? Why do I feel so burdened? Is this self-imposed? I just wish it didn't feel so crazy. I think when I'm back on a path I want to be on it may feel better. But I have to remember to like my life as it is - not as I wish it to be...I've fallen in that trap far too many times!
1 comment:
I think the thing to remember is, yes, your decisions are ultimately just that...yours. But you are never alone. You have a wonderful network of support built up around you, and we're all here for you for bouncing ideas around, fleshing out things and seeing if they're what you really need and/or want. So yes, take ownership of your life. But no, never feel alone in your decisions.
Post a Comment