A long time coming

So much has happened that I really should’ve been better at recording on this blog. So much with D, J, my family, and mostly me.

I’ve been so confused about life that I’ve started doubting my ability to make decisions. Which is silly. Only I know what it is that I want. It’s been nice having a good sounding board - however horribly I’ve treated him. It’s easy to get frustrated when things aren’t easy. And combine that with a long (enough) distance relationship and shit goes south sometimes.

This issue with school has been frustrating. However much I want to say I didn’t like it, if I could be in school the rest of my life, I would. I did pretty well, even if I didn’t put in as much effort as I should’ve. So I had this big epiphany - perhaps me not finding a job is happening for a reason.
Drum roll please...

I’m supposed to be back in school. I’m researching all I can about going back to school to become a teacher. A teacher of what you ask? Good question. I’m still debating K-6, or Health Education...am I settling for one? Should I (is it possible) to do both? How long will this take? How will I get through this with D., with J., with my life in general. I need to get a job to support myself in the short term. As much as I hate this - I think I have to do retail (gag, puke, choke) or something mindless to work around school.

In the meantime...I’m finding my way out of this black hole I’ve created. I’ll get there. Someday. What a journey. I have to remember Rome wasn’t built in a day. I need to remember that even though I didn’t go A to B...that I had fun and I learned lessons and I’ve loved and lost and triumphed. Life shouldn’t scare you - it should excite you. In the end I’ll make the right decision - for me, for my son, for my family.

Promises, promises

It's been far too long. I have a long post swirling around in my head. It's been swimming in there for weeks. I promise tomorrow I'll get it out of there and write it out here - after the workout and before the Bug's school sing-a-long.

Promise. Pinky Promise.

Jobs...

I wish I had one - really - I feel so helpless. It's hard to put faith in something when I keep getting my hopes up then let down. At least I'm not interviewing - at all. UGH!!!!

In brighter news - It's my last week of classes. Sweet.