A long time coming

So much has happened that I really should’ve been better at recording on this blog. So much with D, J, my family, and mostly me.

I’ve been so confused about life that I’ve started doubting my ability to make decisions. Which is silly. Only I know what it is that I want. It’s been nice having a good sounding board - however horribly I’ve treated him. It’s easy to get frustrated when things aren’t easy. And combine that with a long (enough) distance relationship and shit goes south sometimes.

This issue with school has been frustrating. However much I want to say I didn’t like it, if I could be in school the rest of my life, I would. I did pretty well, even if I didn’t put in as much effort as I should’ve. So I had this big epiphany - perhaps me not finding a job is happening for a reason.
Drum roll please...

I’m supposed to be back in school. I’m researching all I can about going back to school to become a teacher. A teacher of what you ask? Good question. I’m still debating K-6, or Health Education...am I settling for one? Should I (is it possible) to do both? How long will this take? How will I get through this with D., with J., with my life in general. I need to get a job to support myself in the short term. As much as I hate this - I think I have to do retail (gag, puke, choke) or something mindless to work around school.

In the meantime...I’m finding my way out of this black hole I’ve created. I’ll get there. Someday. What a journey. I have to remember Rome wasn’t built in a day. I need to remember that even though I didn’t go A to B...that I had fun and I learned lessons and I’ve loved and lost and triumphed. Life shouldn’t scare you - it should excite you. In the end I’ll make the right decision - for me, for my son, for my family.

Promises, promises

It's been far too long. I have a long post swirling around in my head. It's been swimming in there for weeks. I promise tomorrow I'll get it out of there and write it out here - after the workout and before the Bug's school sing-a-long.

Promise. Pinky Promise.

Jobs...

I wish I had one - really - I feel so helpless. It's hard to put faith in something when I keep getting my hopes up then let down. At least I'm not interviewing - at all. UGH!!!!

In brighter news - It's my last week of classes. Sweet.

The Gift

The perfect gift. Really? A birthday the same month as Christmas? It just isn't fair! I mean, I've had to go through this my whole life with my mom...and now with a boyfriend? Yikes! And not just any boyfriend, not one who a simple sweater or latest gadget would do...I have a boyfriend who's far more clever and creative than that (or deserves more than that - he'd be grateful for whatever I get).

The icing on this gift-quest problem? He's off somewhere doing something for a Christmas surprise for me! I really feel like an ass. Don't get me wrong - this isn't the first I've looked or thought about what-to-do (then I'd really win girlfriend from hell)...I just feel like I'm hitting dead ends. It'll be great - at least I already have the Christmas idea covered!

No stress...really....

Cheers and Jeers

I've been failing miserably at posting in any sort of regular pattern. I'm on the hunt for a job, fighting colds, being a good mommy, and a friend to those in need.

Here are my thoughts:
Yay Obama! Boo to the ecomony! Yay for silly movies that give me a mid-week break (and a hot date!) Boo for job hunting - alongside the countless others that have currently lost their jobs! Yay for only a few weeks left in the semester! Boo to losing my health insurance at the end of said semester!

Lots more dishes to do...and I'm still a week behind on reading my essays...

A bad pun, food and love...

The list of things I've yet to do is so long, I thought I'd make a list of things that are done:

1) Had a wonderful "ketchup" breakfast with friends (get it? ketchup/catch-up? ha!)
2) Found more of our Halloween costumes (I cannot wait to post the pics after my Bros party!)
3) Said goodbye for two days to the most wonderful man I've ever been in-love with and got incredibly choked up...between the teary good-bye and thinking about the beach ball kiss, it's amazing how deep my feelings run!
4) Made cookies with Bug - this was interesting...short cuts all over the place. Making cookies with a 5 year old, one needs to lower their expectations of uniformity, especially on frosted sugar cookies with sprinkles. However, I taught him the valuable lesson of never returning a plate to a neighbor empty!
5) A shopping trip to M*chael's - new scissors, yarn, needles, and a nice time with the Bug. He even earned a trip to go look at the critters next door!
6) An Irish Cream coffee from a local shop where Justin will be playing Saturday.

And now...on to watch M*nster's Inc with the Bug, a tickle shower, a few great stories and a teary phone call to end my weekend.

PS - Someday seems really far away today - but I still have faith. A lot of faith!

Index Card Hell

This is where I'm currently residing. I never studied this much in undergrad before (to put it bluntly, my brilliance and talent at bullshit always carried me through!), but this stuff is hard. Harder by the quiz, exam, midterm...

Back to the piles...I wish I were working. Even brain-numbing monotony would be welcome at this point.