The Gift

The perfect gift. Really? A birthday the same month as Christmas? It just isn't fair! I mean, I've had to go through this my whole life with my mom...and now with a boyfriend? Yikes! And not just any boyfriend, not one who a simple sweater or latest gadget would do...I have a boyfriend who's far more clever and creative than that (or deserves more than that - he'd be grateful for whatever I get).

The icing on this gift-quest problem? He's off somewhere doing something for a Christmas surprise for me! I really feel like an ass. Don't get me wrong - this isn't the first I've looked or thought about what-to-do (then I'd really win girlfriend from hell)...I just feel like I'm hitting dead ends. It'll be great - at least I already have the Christmas idea covered!

No stress...really....

Cheers and Jeers

I've been failing miserably at posting in any sort of regular pattern. I'm on the hunt for a job, fighting colds, being a good mommy, and a friend to those in need.

Here are my thoughts:
Yay Obama! Boo to the ecomony! Yay for silly movies that give me a mid-week break (and a hot date!) Boo for job hunting - alongside the countless others that have currently lost their jobs! Yay for only a few weeks left in the semester! Boo to losing my health insurance at the end of said semester!

Lots more dishes to do...and I'm still a week behind on reading my essays...

A bad pun, food and love...

The list of things I've yet to do is so long, I thought I'd make a list of things that are done:

1) Had a wonderful "ketchup" breakfast with friends (get it? ketchup/catch-up? ha!)
2) Found more of our Halloween costumes (I cannot wait to post the pics after my Bros party!)
3) Said goodbye for two days to the most wonderful man I've ever been in-love with and got incredibly choked up...between the teary good-bye and thinking about the beach ball kiss, it's amazing how deep my feelings run!
4) Made cookies with Bug - this was interesting...short cuts all over the place. Making cookies with a 5 year old, one needs to lower their expectations of uniformity, especially on frosted sugar cookies with sprinkles. However, I taught him the valuable lesson of never returning a plate to a neighbor empty!
5) A shopping trip to M*chael's - new scissors, yarn, needles, and a nice time with the Bug. He even earned a trip to go look at the critters next door!
6) An Irish Cream coffee from a local shop where Justin will be playing Saturday.

And now...on to watch M*nster's Inc with the Bug, a tickle shower, a few great stories and a teary phone call to end my weekend.

PS - Someday seems really far away today - but I still have faith. A lot of faith!

Index Card Hell

This is where I'm currently residing. I never studied this much in undergrad before (to put it bluntly, my brilliance and talent at bullshit always carried me through!), but this stuff is hard. Harder by the quiz, exam, midterm...

Back to the piles...I wish I were working. Even brain-numbing monotony would be welcome at this point.

Tests

This morning I got a text from J. ("...have you purchased your study guide yet?") Alas, my laziness is getting the better of this pipe dream to complete grad school some decade in the near future! The answer to that question was a "no, but..." my favorite of all replies!

Guess what came in the mail today? A lovely company sponsored GR* CD study guide! It apparently comes free with your astronomical registration fee. It's still in it's shrink wrap mocking me as I post this, but it's in my possession.

I'm thinking about all this prep work for something I don't really know how it will all come to be. I suppose this is where the concept of faith - in oneself and in others comes into play. How does anyone get an advanced degree with a child to raise. By anyone, I mean a Mom. Yes, I have a pretty nifty support system near and far, but in the end - it's my ass that's responsible for pick-ups and drop-offs. It's me that has to listen to endless questions about the latest in high tech alien cartoons. And it's me that feels eternally guilty I'm making all the wrong choices about every.single.decision in his life. He does have a dad, right? Why do I feel so burdened? Is this self-imposed? I just wish it didn't feel so crazy. I think when I'm back on a path I want to be on it may feel better. But I have to remember to like my life as it is - not as I wish it to be...I've fallen in that trap far too many times!

Decision Making, Part Deux

Here it is: I hate speech language pathology. I went to this program because it was the easiest way to go back to school without taking my GRE...I am learning, that the easiest is not always the best.

When one makes decisions about school...is it best to throw caution and student loans to the wind? When one thinks about a three year plan that seems like complete boredom, it is perhaps best to stop banging your head on the wall long enough to listen what it really is your soul wants from you.

That soul-filled voice crept in my head in the middle of washing the conditioner out of my hair this morning. I want to be a smarty-pants...the kind of smarty-pants that uses her talents for the good of the people. I'm not talking speech pathology, this stupidly obsessive path I've created as of late. I'm talking elbows deep in activism...shouting from the rooftops all the injustices; making plans to change the machine; filling the impressionable minds of young people with stories that inspire and create peaceful, sophisticated solutions to our problems.

Now off to search for jobs...or take some MORE time to grab a flashlight and search the cave of my soul once again! Ideas on whether I should stick the semester out people?

The key to Enlightenment is in my dryer

I have many blog posts swirling inside my brain. I'm going to start with this one, because if I don't start somewhere, I won't start...

I made an actual decision. I had access to (loaned) money, to my own research skills, to a pro/con list and a delightfully cute sounding board. I MADE my OWN decision. One that I will live with and be happy with (or not) and I'm incredibly proud of myself.

Sunday, ex decides he wants his washer and dryer back. I say, sure, whatever. Monday, I'm determined to get my own. My very own washer and dryer. Can we say adult? I hit the pavement first thing after class and discover that this is going to be at least a couple hundred dollars MORE than I was expecting. Deep breaths. Then, I meet M. in S*ars...she is a stellar saleswoman, and actually found me a dream mix-match set that I really love. It totals $900 without delivery, whips, vents, etc (this is starting to sound kinky...hehe). I tell her to hold them (thanks, J.V.) and go look at W*lson's. Here, I'm greeted by the service manager, J, who tries to up sell me, and I flat out refuse. I get a washer/dryer set for $600 and change. Including delivery. Not at all the set I dreamt of, but a set I can use and more important: I can afford.

The process of decision making has never been my strength. I'm the friend who says, "whatever you want," the girlfriend who "doesn't care. Really." But I do care, I do have wants and needs. I've put myself on the backburner long enough. I'm slowly realizing that taking care of myself doesn't mean pissing everyone around me off. It doesn't mean that everyone will hate me. This may start with a dryer...but it's going to be something really good...or at least fluffy and dry.