The Mommy Files

My brother's wedding was over a month ago. I am posting this picture so I can vent about being a Mommy, a single one at that. A precursor to this rant is that yes, I know I am blessed to have a wonderful, beautiful, mostly happy little boy. Yes, I know I'm blessed to have an ex-husband that for the most part understands and supports me as a parent. Yes, I know I only have ONE child...but here I go:

The Bug...is oh-so-whiny. Whyyyyyyyyy? I wannnnnnnnt that!!!! It seems every other sentence out of his mouth is a whiny complaint or command or demand. I've tried being extra happy and making things into a game. I've tried to threaten time outs (and followed through). And even though I promised myself I never-ever would - I've spanked his little behind (which, FYI really only leads to more and louder whining and crying). Now, this little guy has been through more than most 5 year olds: his parents split up before Christmas; first his Dad got a new place; he's out of a structured daycare/preschool setting; and now I have a new place.

I understand his world has been flipped upside down and back again. So has mine - and I don't whine (ok, I realize I'm kind of whining now...suck it up, you chose to read this). I always thought as a parent I would develop a close relationship with my child. I would be the one they want to share things with and talk to. It seems the Bug has other plans. Plans that include the computer and DVD's...and when he doesn't get access to those, he whines...and I've created this. Crap! I'm trying to make an effort to be more involved - but then that incessant whining starts and I want to crawl under the covers and sleep for days.

Perhaps this all seems overwhelming because I'm with him so.damn.much! I decided to avoid daycare costs I would take him to work and also work from home. I thought this would be such a fabulous idea - and honestly, 80% of the time it really is. It's just when I hear that certain decibel my skin crawls.

Then, in the morning I wake up to see his still warm body snoozing away (yes, next to me, because I suck as a parent and he likes to sleep with me) and I remember when he was little and how I thought I would never get any sleep. I remember when he learned to crawl and walk and I thought he'd never stay in one place again (I'm kinda right on this one). I remember when he was potty training and I thought he'd never make it. And so I have to think - this whining won't last forever - some day, this clingy boy will grow to be a teenager - who wants little to do with his bad ass Mama.

Right now, that sounds delightful.